I try to relive the moment in my head, to try to make up for the countless nights I’ve pushed it aside but all I get are clouds. I just remember the quietness and stillness of the ride from the airport, where I knew the words that were coming but wanted a couple more moments of ignorance. I remember the awful smell of flowers when I walked in the funeral home. So overpowering and useless because she never got flowers when she was alive. I remember the feeling of the floor on my knees, as I dropped when I entered the room and everyone looked back and gasped. I just needed a couple of minutes to let it all sink in, I didn’t want any “i’m sorrys, you’re strong” just yet. I remember the cold and hardness of her cheeks, so unlike my mami. Eyes closed, looking like she was sleeping. I remember my sister’s screams when the casket was closed and it was time to bring her to the cemetery. Most of all, I remember that sinking feeling, the numbness, the anger, the worry, the knowledge that life would never be the same, and that maybe, just maybe, death would finally become something to look forward to. A reunion.